The anatomy of being late
April 21, 2009
By Sarelyn Radecke
We come across them every day. We have all been one of them at some point or another in our lives.
Our days are disrupted by them, and our productivity decreases because of them.
Who are “they?” Late people.
But often times, the importance and complication of being late is underestimated. You’re never just late without a reason. Oh, no, it is so much more than that.
If you have ever been late in your life, you have fallen into at least one of these categories:
- Late with Starbucks.
This just cracks me up when this happens. Were you late because of your Starbucks, and if so, was it really necessary?
Or were you already running late before you even got to your destination and just decided to get your Starbucks…because you were already late?
- “Fashionably late.”
You think you’re fashionably late. You’re not. You’re just making everybody mad. You have yet to learn the rules of being fashionably late in the proper sense.
The sad thing is, when you are legitimately fashionably late, no one will recognize it because of all of your other failed attempts at being “fashionably late.” Don’t cry wolf.
- Late late.
You know, when you’re talking with someone and they say “No, I can’t…I’m late late.”
As if late by itself does not suffice, he or she must add the extra “late” for a dramatic effect.
It is rumored that there are actually varying degrees to this. (eg. I’m late late late late late late late late late late late late = 24 minutes late.) This is also the individual who tells her friends that she like likes the new coworker.
- Late, late, for a very important date.
Variation of the above. The slight difference is that your name is The White Rabbit and you have a friend named Alice whom, like you, is in Wonderland.
- “Perpetua-late.” You’re just late. To everything. Even if you leave five minutes early, you’re late.
It’s as if you get into your car, buckle your seatbelt and drive straight into a time vortex.
You were delivered late, you eat late, and receptionists now schedule you 45 minutes in advance of when they actually want to see you, because they know you’ll be late. You know who you are.
- Late with wet hair.
A very respectable form of being late. You had time to go to the gym and shower, but you didn’t have time to be on time. Good for you.
- Late with a vengeance.
You don’t want to be there, wherever there is or who you are.
The mentality of every toddler on the way to his or her first haircut. Involves kicking and screaming.
Can also be seen displayed by the entire senior class during their last semester of high school.
- “Sorry, I was just (busy)” late. So was everybody else. But they still managed to make it on time.
- Late every time it counts. You are always early to everything … except for that one meeting where everyone’s eyes are on you as you walk in the door. Oops.
As for me, I am late in finishing up this column.
I don’t really know why, but I think it’s a result of my wet hair, because I’m really busy, and because I went to Starbucks prior to writing this column. Just a guess, though…
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[...] opportunities to local high school students to write a column. I really liked this one, “The Anatomy of Being Late” by Sarelyn Radeck. I think some of these people join me at church on Sunday. Sorry this post [...]